In our last blog post, I
shared Part One of the “Foundations Series” on our blog ending with the
importance of the family unit. I also shared some statistics that were crucial
to the empowerment of the family.
I have been ridiculed
for being transparent, which I don’t understand. But, for the purpose of this
blog. I would admit as a man that didn’t have a plan for his future, the foundations
that were set early in my life were of no effect. It is one thing to set a
foundation and it’s another to use it to fulfill lifelong dreams and goals.
Characteristically,
traits can form a foundation but without God it will be weak. Let me share a couple.
Work Ethic -
My father was a hardworking man. He clocked in at 3am and clocked out at 3pm,
setting an example of a good work ethic. The second thing was that my dad was
always happy, outgoing, loved to talk, and very forgiving, which was a great
set of attributes. He was also an alcoholic who drank every day, which was a
vise that many men in his generation dealt with. He spoiled me as well. Which affected
me in my life. I remember my mom would ground
me and as soon as my dad arrived from work, he asked what I was doing inside.
My Mom was quick in telling him what I did wrong and then he would tell me to
get outside with my buddies. No bueno!
Discipline -
My mother’s middle name was “Discipline”. She would discipline the old fashion
way, and most of you know what I mean. But I had already become immune to the
correction that she was trying to teach me. This lady didn’t hold back. I
remember when I told her that I was tired of being disciplined and she said if
you are in my house, I set the rules and if you don’t like it, there’s the
door. I walked out and got as far as my neighbor’s driveway and turned around.
Quick decision huh?
You see, the
foundation was set long before I became a troubled teen. In my previous blog I
mentioned that the greatest predictor of life success was one's capacity for
warm, intimate relationships, with spouse, family, parents, and friends. To be
honest I was starving for an intimate relationship with my family, parents and
friends. Remember the song; “Looking for love in all the wrong places”? Well
unfortunately most teens take a wrong turn when the attributes are lacking,
especially Godly attributes. Lack of intimacy will cause misinterpretations due
to a lack of communication; anger sets in which makes the devil happy. To be
honest lack of intimacy will create an emotional separation.
If marriages
lack intimacy it may lead to divorce. On November of 1980 my first daughter was born,
and I was 16 years old. We married when I turned 18 but divorced 12 years
later. Saying that to show that if godly foundations are not set, how can we
expect success. My dad divorced and then married my mom. What kind of
foundation was set?
Please understand
that I am not playing the blame game. We are responsible for our decisions in
life. I am very determined that in teaching others, I need to share personal
experiences when possible.
But understand
that the family unit is Important and worth the effort to Fix unless it becomes
abusive and life threatening. Malachi 2:16 reads; “I the Lord hate divorce”.
We must notice that Malachi didn’t say God hates divorced people. You see, In
Christ, there is always a fresh start available to us when life knocks us down.
But clearly, the better our relationships are at home, the more effective we
are in life. If we strengthen our families, we will enhance our opportunities
to succeed.
God always gives
us the opportunity to rebuild the family foundation by His Word. Come on
somebody!
Matthew 7:24-27
reads; “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a
person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and
the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse
because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t
obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains
and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a
mighty crash”.
All families
will go through storms. It doesn’t matter if you make all the right decisions
or all the wrong decisions in life – you will face storms. It doesn’t matter if
you are rich or poor, educated, uneducated, black, white, or brown, you will
face storms. It doesn’t even matter if you are righteous or unrighteous – you
will face storms! Storms, according to Jesus, come to every home, the foolish
homes and the wise homes as well.
A “nuclear
family” meaning two parents and their siblings, is crucial in our children’s
upbringing. The percentage of teens raised by a mom and dad sees a major
increase when foundations are set. We also have seen the effects of homes with
only one parent.
Storms come
in many forms: financial storms, physical storms, emotional storms, job loss
storms, teenage rebellion storms, marital strife storms, loss of loved one’s
storms. But only some homes will make it through the storms of life. One will
collapse while another stands. And here’s the key – it was the house that had
the right foundation.
Matthew 7:25
reads; “Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the
winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock”.
I heard a
story about a ship that capsized at sea. Many people drowned, but one teenager
was found clinging to a rock. After he was rescued, someone asked him if he was
terrified. He responded by saying, “Yes, I was shaking all the time … but the
rock wasn’t.”
When storms
hit your family, the question is what kind of foundation have you been building
on? Build your family life not on the wisdom of this world, but on the wisdom
of Almighty God.
Genesis
2:18, 21-24 reads; “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should
be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ And the LORD God caused
a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and
closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken
from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:
‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.
So very
simply, the reason why the Bible, God’s wisdom, should be the foundation for
how we build our families is that He is the one who created “family.” He knows
how to make it work best, and then we will come into agreement.
Family life
is often challenging because everyone has an opinion. One says, “I think we
ought to spend our money on this.” The other says, “Well I think we ought to
spend it on that!” “I think we ought to discipline the kids this way.” “Well, I
think we ought to discipline them that way!”
I think, you
think, we all think our own opinions.
And if you
happen to get a couple of people in the same room who have really strong
opinions and who generally stick to their guns, you’ll have family chaos,
leading to family frustration, which leads to families falling apart.
But when we
agree as a family to build our homes based on the wisdom of the One who
invented the family, then it becomes easy to agree. When God’s wisdom is the
foundation to the family, the question is not what you say or what I say – it’s
what God says.
Let me end
by sharing that I probably made every mistake possible in marriage and even as
a father. My friends, in an eggshell, no one can succeed without a godly foundation
from His Word.
The unsettling
world we see today didn’t just begin yesterday or 5 or 10 years ago. It is the
result a bad foundation. set by building
on the foundations of this world.
Word!
